Tales of the beautiful everyday from the North
Back to the roots
In a separate tab, I open my blog to check on my last post and manage to surprise myself seeing that it was back at the end of February. I knew it had been a long, long time, but I didn’t think that long.
I also knew when I titled it ‘Closing in’, that it was a subtle lean into what was coming - a somber end to my few years in Whitehorse. At the time I wrote that post, my apartment was under offer, I knew where I was going, but not yet where I would be living, and between those two small life changes, I would be embarking on the trip of a lifetime that never once felt quite real - but more on that next post.
For right now, my days are filled with reacquainting myself with where this life of chasing the northern lights nightly began. I am home again in Yellowknife, exactly 10 years and 2 days from when I moved here the first time, to once again take possession of a home I had not yet actually seen.
With so much to do, we wasted little time and began light renovations the day after I moved in, and it all remains ongoing. Tours begin in August, and I cannot, cannot wait. And finally I’ll lead you out of Whitehorse, through the summer in BC, and finally up to Yellowknife with a chaotic collection of photos.
After moving out of my place in Whitehorse, I spent some weeks with Doris in hers before I would head south for an abbreviated summer. We packed, and repacked every single box I thought I had perfected to all fit into my Sienna to take with me. No moving company this time, just what I could bring with me. But I had too much stuff, and I was too heavy. Moving day was not the best day of my life.
Over the next week and a bit, we opened every single box, re-sorted and repacked them, got rid of a lot (Doris will be eating dried lentils and rice for the next 3 lifetimes), weighed every single box and loose item, and set aside 2 boxes to ship ahead of another Canada Post strike.
All of this set me up full to the car ceiling, exactly 40kg under the car’s maximum takeoff weight, for an early, early morning out of Whitehorse to drive straight-ish through to my mum’s place, some 2,200 kilometres south. But this was not without a cat nap or two along the way as my eyes got heavy, twisting myself over and around boxes and plants to stretch out, time at the Liard Hot Springs, of course, and photography stops too.
Late, late pizza takeaway after move out day, with Doris und die katze
Just completely taking over Doris’s life with my chaos here…
Weight ended up becoming a bigger issue than space
A little tail heavy despite my best efforts…
Driving through the night in northern BC and of course she kept me company
Typical summer views from my mum’s place in Kamloops
The final weeks leading up to departure day for Yellowknife were chaotic in everything from helping move my dad to the Philippines, couriering original (thank you, NWT, for being so relentlessly, painfully archaic - never change), notarized documents to Yellowknife from BC in the midst of another potential Canada Post strike, and making endless design decisions for spaces I had once again not actually seen.
With our final days planned and our departure from Kamloops sured up, we first spent some nights in Calgary with my grandparents, making final final decisions on design with trips to Home Depot and IKEA, but most importantly, bean bag toss tournaments in the backyard.
From there, just 1,800 kilometres and one overnight in smoky northern Alberta was between us and Yellowknife.
Smoky morning leaving High Level
Christmas in June…
So this is about where things stand. 70L of white eggshell paint down, 3 major appliances unexpectedly replaced, many IKEA orders received, more still on the way, and the main bathroom 2/3 gutted but on it’s way back, with the ensuite mostly finished, and a few closets gutted and redone.
When my dad asked how it feels to be back in Yellowknife, I said I wasn’t really sure because I haven’t actually really interacted at all with Yellowknife yet. I’ve barely been outside for more than repeating trips to Home Hardware and Canadian Tire.
But I am settling in, sleeping more than 5 hours a night finally, and taking time to breathe and practice yoga, of course. Sparrows, yellow warblers, and robins sing outside my windows all day, a neighbourhood cat wanders into my yard at breakfast for cuddles, and both the front and back steps make for perfect afternoon fika spots.
My first tour is already only about a month away, and I can’t wait for that, but all of this time since closing day in Whitehorse on March 28th has passed far, far too quickly. For now, time could not slow down enough, but this evening I’ll prepare for my new dishwasher that I should be wrestling into my place sometime tomorrow, while the rest of the bathroom walls upstairs are calling for the tiling to continue…
What's good isn't only happy
April 14 at last, -23°
Ethiopian one last time for dinner because there could be no better ending than that. Back home, it felt like forever laying on my back. Just staring at my ceiling, but I eventually fell asleep on my old sofa. The northern lights still danced outside every window. The serenade was of course perfect too.
A restless night ended to low, orange sunlight pouring in the windows. I made a small, spacey walk around the house running my fingers along random walls. I held back tears for all of about 4 seconds inside my long idling car, and finally pulled away for the last time, looking back more times than I can remember.
Running into the night
Just 2 nights before the movers would come to take everything and I had the kitchen turned completely upside down. Cardboard boxes, tissue paper, kraft paper and bubble wrap were everywhere. Dishes pulled off every shelf and out of every cabinet. Total chaos.
The kitchen lights were bright and harsh overhead.
There was so much more to be taken care of, but out of nowhere and in a moment, I broke. It was like I just became paralyzed standing there in the kitchen. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t pack another dish. Everything just hit me.
All at once I became so overwhelmed with heaviness, I just dropped the packing paper I was holding onto the floor, wiped my eyes with my sleeves, grabbed my phone, flicked the kitchen light switch off and went down the stairs. I changed my nightie for not nearly warmth enough clothing still. I flung my camera bag over my shoulder, picked up my tripod and drove immediately out into the countryside.
It was the fastest and most careless I’ve ever left the house. Like I just couldn’t be another minute more there and I had to get out.
"It was like I just became paralyzed standing there in the kitchen."
The wind outside was violent. It was gusting 53km/h, but who knows how much worse it was completely open across a lake. It felt especially fitting.
As soon as I cracked the car door open, the wind would grab it and try to fling it hard back, and if I stepped out to try to stop it, the wind would just push me against the door fully extended too. The gusts easily caught me and slid me back along the ice. It howled around my parka and ruffled the fur of my hood. I felt it intensely against my body through my clothes. It was freezing, but the exact kind of raw, numbness I needed right then.
Not the end
"I needed to remind myself... This wasn't going away, not any more than it does every late spring."
In between so many majestic curtains, coronas overhead, in between chasing my tail being unable to put my tripod down to take a photo because it was all just too beautiful, I couldn’t fully realise that this wasn’t the end. I didn’t want it to end. I couldn’t have it be the end.
It was almost anxiety inducing. And then I realised this wasn’t about Yellowknife, this was about the aurora.
I get varying levels of this every spring, when the aurora gives way to endless daylight, but it hasn’t been this crippling maybe ever. It’s usually an emotionally, mentally, peaceful transition to the bright summer nights.
This was a surfacing fear I was giving the aurora up, but this isn’t that. Leaving a place I have for so long associated with such a deep love is not so straight forward. The aurora will be waiting for me again in the fall, and I will be there to meet her, just in a new, even more beautiful, better feeling, place.
"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I need this as a big part of my life."
This distinction was one of the most important ones to have made. Chasing my tail holding my tripod, unable to put it down because I was too excited about the aurora in every part of the sky and feeling waves of anxiety as I prepared to leave — this was the beginning of Yellowknife for me. It was nearly every one of those 20-something trips here 10 years ago.
10 years ago, it was as much about Yellowknife as it was about the aurora.
Now it is, I feel it in my bones, now it is just about the aurora.
La bise
Passing 10am, I stepped out of the shower and leaned slowly in toward a mirror. The heaviness of my eyelids was unrelenting, and my cheeks and my nose were unusually rosy. I remembered how they hurt even under my balaclava just 8 hours earlier.
Sometimes even after a sound sleep, that end of winter, frigid day and night, full life exhaustion sets in.
"If aurora hangovers exist, I had found them."
The night before, the wind was finally slowing from the consistently 30 gusting 50km/h it had sustained for days prior. The temperature settled at -34°C. Once again cold enough for my right eye to tear single tears consistently through the night, as it always does when it is so cold. It felt so good to be wrapped up in my parka and in an indescribable warmth, not the least of which was such a magnificent twilight sky.
This is my favourite time of the year to be out with the aurora. I love it so much, and the feeling of these April nights, most definitely this one in particular, I wish I can keep forever.
